January 2011
So I have decided to make this a more updated site including journal entries and everyday situations related to the subject.
I told myself I had to be honest with this thing. No bullshit, even though I fall into that trap often, I'm going to try, from here on in, not to do that. I hope.
I need to put this stuff out there in it's purest, most real form. The weight and all it relates too.
So I have decided to make this a more updated site including journal entries and everyday situations related to the subject.
I told myself I had to be honest with this thing. No bullshit, even though I fall into that trap often, I'm going to try, from here on in, not to do that. I hope.
I need to put this stuff out there in it's purest, most real form. The weight and all it relates too.
This is part of the reason I had to get out LA. for a while. I had to deal with my health. The weight. The weight connects all the dots. Most of my shit is rooted in the weight. Since I've been in Boston I have accomplished most of what I set out to do, except for the weight loss. This is the final piece to the puzzle and I have to tackle it. Not just tackle it, but take it down hard, at the 10 yard line. (A friend of mine once told me not to refer to myself in the athletic sense.)
The most recent reminder was a recent conversation with my doctor. She told me I was morbidly obese. MORBIDLY OBESE! WTF! I mean, I knew I was obese, but morbidly? I thought that was reserved for guys stuck in bed, weighing 500lbs. that have to be airlifted out of their homes.
This horrified me. Partly. The other half me wished I was filming the conversation, cause I thought my friends would get a kick out of it, but it's not funny.
See. This is what I mean. This is not cute anymore. I am not the cuddly, chubby cutie anymore. I am the creepy MORBIDLY OBESE guy now. Oh man. I had crossed the line.
Now let me explain. Morbidly obese just means your Body Mass Index is a certain number, so you fall into a certain bracket. It's a title. A number. A category. It doesn't mean your a rhino roaming the fields.
No, I am not subject matter for a Discovery Channel series (yet), but it's a warning sign. Fuck warning sign. It's Code Red. Mach 4. I am at war, with my body. This is Red Dawn time. I'm a Wolverine vs. the Russians (they represent my weight.)
This is the warning sign? Not the gout or Diabetes or being called Michael Moore. How many fucking "warning signs" do I need? Maybe my doctor telling me I was at risk for a heart attack will actually keep me from a steak and cheese later tonight. Maybe.
I am supposed to be home here in Boston, dealing with this. I had the excuse in LA of being broke and living the writer/actor lifestyle, eating when and where you could just to get by.
That doesn't fly here. I have so many healthy options, and though I have cut out the fast food and regular soda, it's other foods here that do me in. A different brand of indulgence. Now it's chicken parm, big Italian family dinners, pizza and cannoli. Still, I don't need to eat it. I admit, when I first got home for this sabbatical, I needed to heal and feel human, so I ate all my favorite foods. It was comforting. I'd say I'm pretty fucking comfortable now. So comfortable I am still eating them.
I also have to get to a gym. Stat. I joined one, and blew it off. There is no reason why I shouldn't be going. How many episodes of Cheers can I watch instead of being on a treadmill? I even bought sneakers, that are sitting in my closet covered in dust. Velcro orthopedic footing. Fat or old man sneakers. The kids are not wearing these. Even the gym I wanna join has Pizza Mondays! Pizza Mondays? Probably not the gym for me. See. Bad decisions.
I have a stress test next week to see what's up with my heart. Not that I need a test to tell me I need to change my rituals, but hey - at least I'll be on a treadmill.
Stay tuned for the results.
I also have to get to a gym. Stat. I joined one, and blew it off. There is no reason why I shouldn't be going. How many episodes of Cheers can I watch instead of being on a treadmill? I even bought sneakers, that are sitting in my closet covered in dust. Velcro orthopedic footing. Fat or old man sneakers. The kids are not wearing these. Even the gym I wanna join has Pizza Mondays! Pizza Mondays? Probably not the gym for me. See. Bad decisions.
I have a stress test next week to see what's up with my heart. Not that I need a test to tell me I need to change my rituals, but hey - at least I'll be on a treadmill.
Stay tuned for the results.
Maybe you've heard all there is to hear about diets, but here goes anyway: you can make tons of progress by continuing to stuff your face, but just with whole vegan low fat foods: no oils, flour products, or animal products, or anything at all processed. If you do this, even if you eat until it feels like you will bust, you will lose weight. Check out www.drmcdougall.com.
ReplyDeletei think you are brave, phin. and still crazy funny.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea who you are but I saw your article on Salon and laughed my (fat-ish) ass off. I also can really really identify with the "I'll do it tomorrow" thing. It's frustrating when you know that you really really care but you can't make the change. I can't quite put my finger on exactly why that happens, but i think maybe it's something to do with trying too HARD? or maybe it's a "work smarter, not harder" kinda thing?
ReplyDeleteI think the (big) bottom line is that you gotta figure out something that works for you and that's it. I'll let you know if I figure out something that works for me. ;)
Also, are you gonna tell us what the BMI is that's Morbidly Obese?
Just read your article on Salon, and I have one thing to suggest: Wellbutrin.
ReplyDeleteIt does 3 things that work together that may help you. It is an antidepressant, it suppresses appetite in many people, and it fights addictions (which is why it's prescribed under another name to help people quit smoking).
This stuff has totally changed my life. It made it possible for me to stick to exercise and weight watchers, when I'd never been able to in the past.
I have no connection to the people who make this stuff even though this sounds like a commercial. If you haven't tried it yet, do it. Find a really good psychiatrist and try it.
Count me among the "just caught your Salon article" crowd. No advice; you're brave, funny as hell, and I hope you keep writing here. I've got fingers and toes crossed for you.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNo diet advice either, just chiming in to say that you'll be hilarious fat or thin, so keep at it and best of luck!
ReplyDeleteYou have one life and you can spend that in a prison of an unhealthy body or you can decide that you will be fit and free. There are tons of blogs out there of people who have done it. I came across this guy today.
ReplyDeletehttp://trimywill.blogspot.com/
Like him I'm an Ironman as well and although I didn't start out obese I did completely change my trajectory from a life that would have taken me there. I understand where you are coming from. But, that's no way to live, as you are realizing.
Mark,
ReplyDeleteYou have to be smart about this. There are really only two components: diet and exercise. But "diet" doesn't mean "starving," and "exercise" doesn't mean "joining a gym and running on a treadmill."
Diet means you gradually change to a vegan whole-food menu, such as macrobiotics or raw food. Why vegan? Because animal products are high-fat and have endocrine-disrupting hormones and other things that throw your body out of whack, such as rBGH (it's a *growth hormone,* for pete's sake!), other pesticide and herbicide residues, and antibiotics, which kill off friendly bacteria in the gut. You may well have candida overgrowth in your digestive tract, which stimulates a desire for sweets and oily foods. And refined and processed foods, which make up most of the standard American diet (SAD), have no nutrition, so the body is starving, which is why it always wants more. Many people are overweight but undernourished.
On a vegan, grain-centered diet, you can eat all you want and not gain weight. It will take you several years to lose the excess, and it will take you a while to be comfortable on a vegan diet, but you won't go hungry. Take a look at Michio Kushi's "Book of Macrobiotics." Take some cooking classes for the type of diet you choose and transition gradually, as you're comfortable, to avoid relapses.
Part of diet is supplements and herbs. You'll need supplements because most people are deficient (because of the poor quality of most produce, and because most people don't eat enough of it anyway). You could see a nutritionist. Also, see a Chinese doctor or acupuncturist for Chinese herbs to balance the body's energy, since yours is way out of whack.
Finally, exercise is vital--not to burn off calories but to tone the body and flush the toxins. Forget joining a gym and running on a treadmill. You can start by just walking -- say, 1/4 or 1/2 mile at first, then work up to longer distances. You can carry a digital recorder and "write" while walking. Another good option is yoga or Pilates, but you may need to hold off till you lose some weight. You go to class once a week and do it at home the other days.
You could also try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)--it's simple and works well for many issues. You can get the book out of the library.
If you really want to lose weight and you go at it systematically, it won't be that hard. Don't just moan about it--do something.
Morbid obese: Deathfat! I can't remember where i read that but it amuses me still. I am also from the "read your essay on Salon" crowd. But will follow your blog. No pressure.
ReplyDeleteI have lost, gained, and am trying to lose once more, and i truly believe that weight loss is at least 70% diet and only 30% exercise. Exercise might amp up one's metabolism, it might burn a few calories, but i know for me, it all comes down to putting down the fork. Or package of marshmallow hearts (V'day came early in my house, apparently.).
People who suggest that you go at it systematically have never actually heard the call of sugar, or fat. Tofu--it don't call nobody. This is not ever an issue of simple logic or willpower.
If you need to read, i suggest Martha Beck's The Four Day Win. Funny and sensible.
Email I want to use to subscribe
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Jenny Streepers email
I am so concerned.
How do I subscribe???
ReplyDeleteJenny Streeper